A Peaceful Presence As Life Begins
‘No one’s life comes to pass without making some impression,
and those close to the deceased inherit part of the liberated soul
and become richer in their humaness.’
~ Hermann Broch
‘Seashells remind us that every passing life leaves something beautiful behind’
~?a card received from a Dear Friend after my Mother’s passing last year
‘Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.’
I have been away from my blog for a little while due to spending most of my days being with?my Beloved Friend Robert, who was making his way through the life birth channel into a Higher Quality of Living waiting to be experienced. And now that he has gone on his way, I have been?Silent in the Peaceful Presence that is remaining. So many wonderful, unfolding aha’s flowing through and touching my Heart in remembrance. This experience has been a very profound one for me, a completion of many?synchronicities that led up to this Life changing event. I am not the same way?I was even a few days ago and Being in deep knowing of this, I will never be the same way again nor see my life the same way again.
It was an experience of observing how my unlikely friendship with a raging alcoholic man, very deep in his belief that this physical material world was the real world and the ‘after’ life was something to be feared and resisted,? unfolded into a transcendent experience that began in it’s intense stages with the process that led into?my mother’s passing?just two years earlier.
Late one summer evening of last year, months before our visits ever occured, I recall a moment with him as I was leaving to come home , Robert standing with his usual drink in one hand and a cigarette in another saying to me, ‘Earth to Julia, you need to come down and ground your feet in the real world.’ And I laughed and said, ‘Robert, that depends on what you would define as the real world.’ And he nodded his head while sarcastically laughing like I was the la la airy fairy head and he was the sane one. I smiled and got in my car while calling out ‘InJoy this evening’ and drove home. He raised his right hand and waved and said, ‘InJoy.’
In the course of the year unfolding as life does, one moment leading into the next, Robert, who had a volatile temper especially with those closest to him, kept isolating himself by his repeated behaviors and the cycle went round and round and was escalating. His temper had caused him to move into a separate space two or so years earlier to save his almost thirty year marriage to Jen. And fewer and fewer people were coming by to see him. So, he would bring himself to Jen’s where we were and from there carry on with his raging at his wife, son and anyone who would argue with him about anything. He was always right in his way of seeing things.
What is interesting is that earlier last year, as I sat on my deck steps one Spring day, soft in thoughts about all that had led me to being in this place in that moment, a warm soft wind blew into me and I heard an inaudible?voice say that I would be having a long conversation with this man and a briefer one with his son. I did not know how or when this would happen. His wife, Jen, is a Beloved Soul Sister Friend of mine and we had just reunited after a very long absence. And everything just clicked into place as though we had never been a part.
She and Robert showed up at a garage sale I had?in July 2008, right after I had surrendered everything in my life over to the yet to be seen Hand moving in my life. Everything, everyone and every circumstance. I had?just said goodbye to my earthly family of origin as a final part of this surrendering process of? handing everything in my life over to God or Source of Life and I was in the in between space. My eldest brother and I just could not seem to find the middle ground of Peace in our relationship and I had become worn out with trying to find this middle ground with him and his diatribes of raging anger targeted towards me almost everytime I went to see my ailing mother. And now, hearing that I would be spending time with a man whose temper tantrums equaled those of my brother’s past, seemed well, unbelievable. Yet, something had already shifted in me in being able to trust into letting go of my family and I felt this reunion with Robert and Jen was Divine in it’s intention so, I was open to how this would unfold and just said, ‘for the Highest Good of all that leads all to their Highest Potential.’? And left it there.
So, life goes on …?in January of this year, Jen called me and asked me if I would be willing to assist her with Robert, whom she was unable to be with as he would give her a list of to do’s daily and then get angry when she did not have time to be there with him or angry at how she was doing them. No matter what Jen did or didn’t do he raged at her. She being unable to be in two places at once while doing all things at once called me and asked me if I would be willing to hang out and keep Robert company so she could get something done. And it was perfect timing for us all. I had free time in this moment so I went to help my friends.
None of us had any idea how this was going to ‘work out’, it went from a? go with the flow ‘Thursdays with Robert’ idea and turned into an? experience that kept on flowing.
The first visits with Robert would begin with his screaming at Jen about everything and after awhile Jen, a loving and sweet soul in nature would tire of it as most would and I could see her getting pulled into his anger. Defending herself and wearing herself down in the process. An experience that would be very trying for any loving patient soul. So, I would say to Jen at the side, go and get stuff done, I’ll hang out with Robert. Leave the energy behind when you walk out the door. ‘Breathe’ was our shared mantra in some of the more?intense moments.
A few weeks later, in one of our drives home alone together from Robert’s, I shared with?Jen that I noticed that Robert did not scream at me just her. She was his target.
Creatures of habit. And things began to click in my head regarding my own life experiences and well, the aha’s were rolling. I just kept showing up for the gift that I was being given to unwrap. The Beauty of it all is that it was a huge gift and we were all together experiencing the unwrapping or unfolding of it in each moment. We were being blessed the three of us together. And this gift was meant to be shared with all and is still being InJoyed?in ?recognizing the beauty of it’s intention. The? ones who were present in the room with Robert right before and the moment as he went on into the Light deeply sensed the gift of this Presence.
It was a Peaceful Presence.
I share this from my view of this incredible Life changing experience which is all I can do. Speak in my own voice. The days flowed into almost everyday being spent together and this allowed us to have some very deep and profound conversations. He was going through the experience of letting go of all phyiscal and material attachments and this led him into touching?Reality. The One Reality and not the one he had created and believed to be a separate reality (dual – reality) of who he really was. And this has been my blessing in this experience too.? I?had already been removed from my attachments to material goods in every imaginable way by the time my visits with Robert were beginning and it was in going through this experience in advance that I realized this is what allowed me to share what? I had gained through sharing with Robert. I was being Present with him as he moved through his detoxification process of letting go of his body glove and surrendering into the Hand that moved it from withIn. Allowing what is to be.
After observing one of Robert’s volatile temper tantrums with Jen in the beginning of our visits,? I Invited Divine Presence into my visits with Robert and asked ‘the ‘Highest Good for All, that leads All to their Highest Potential be done.’?May each one?realize the Eternal God Presence in us in this situation. I believe that prayers are Divinely guided? in our asking.? I say Invite, ask openly and welcome with Open Heart ~ Mind and Spirit this Presence to enter into any situation no matter how dire it may look in the material world.
No one who knew Robert at this point really believed?he would ever change or could.? I was curiously optimistic. I say this because after being guided to Invite the Highest Good and Potential for All in this situation, I began to see Robert transforming before my very eyes as I spent more hours of days with him alone, which turned out to be almost four months. And we became like brother and sister?with one another. We had bare soul conversations in Light of the situation, as this was not a time for idle chit chat. Robert, being of a very intelligent and brilliant mind had not had an opportunity to sit still long enough and experience a brilliant MIND’s Intelligence of another kind speaking through a human vessel who was more Spirit than flesh in her living ways. And I had the opportunity to commune through a human vessel while observing the One who was becoming conscious more and unconscious less, reaching into to his Higher Intelligence as his physical body took a backseat. Our?conversations just?flowed along. Peace was increasing in our visits.
It was awakening us all to?the sensing of this Presence. And Jen was moving right along with us. She began to notice the change in Robert and this was having a deeper effect on her well-being too. It’s a domino effect …
I watched him move from the position of holding on so tightly to the material world, (as money was still the sole source of life sustenance in his mind, and anyone who disagreed was dis-connected to the real world), into watching and sensing him letting go of this idea the more his body?surrendered into the process of being worn out. It had taken him as far as it was going to go. He was not ready to let go of it yet , because his mind was still very active and full of activity. He was still fighting it and I walked with him as he moved through his stages from being angry, to despondent, to holding in his angst, frustrated and unable to talk about it, being embarrassed to having to surrender to the changes while not always agreeing with them until finally?accepting?it for what it was. The butterfly was rising from the cocoon and could not remain inside of the cocoon any longer.
The closer we walked towards the final days of his life spent here, he grew more Peaceful. He cried alot and released alot of his once held onto grudges of wrong’s done, the? painful memories, and I could see it in his eyes. His clear blues eyes softened.? He shared his? embarrassment with his body not functioning like he wanted it to and becoming more dependent on others to assist him.? I would assure him not to be embarrassed on my account and that it was a natural part of the progression due to having been around my mother up until nine months before her passing and how she said to me, ‘I am becoming more like a baby once again, I can’t do anything for myself anymore.’ And he would nod his head and say ‘I understand your mom, this is not fun.’ Robert was a very active man in his life, like my mother had been while here and the more he lost his mobility as she had, the more he seemed to lose his desire to live in this world any more. And yet he still fought against it. Not as often, it came in softer, gentler waves now. The rage?became? smaller outbursts and few and farther between. They became more of an uncommon trait than the norm.
‘In order to truly communicate, we must take responsibility for the heart space that exists between us and another. It is that heart space, or the absence of it, that will determine whether communication is miraculous or fearful.’
~ A Year of Daily Wisdom Calendar by Marianne Williamson
He was in the space where his body was becoming his prison more. The Living Being was outgrowing its shell and ready to grow on. I realized as our conversations went deeper?as I asked?the straightforward questions to Robert, that he had become a stranger from his Heart for a very long time.? A shield to protect his tender Heart against the blows of life thoughout the years. Our shield becomes our wall and it seems to keep our Heart outside instead of in it’s rightful place doing what it is here to do. Live?Life from our?Heart?Truth being supported in Peaceful Presence. When we cut ourselves off from listening to our Heart, it is like holding one’s breath for a long, long while and being oxygen starved. And opening up more and more to his Heartspace?was causing him to take?fewer yet deeper and more labored breaths in. He was inside feeling with his Heart. His Heart had become his?unknown and forgotten void. And as?his Heart began to rise to the surface, his mind seemed to become more peaceful along with it. His Mind was agreeing with what his Heart was sharing in being allowed to express from it.
I listened to his memories of the 40/40. ‘Julia, I’ve had 40 jobs and 40 cars in my life.’ His memories and the adventures he had with his friends from college days lived in Wild Lawrence, Kansas to his days of being a Truck driver for the U.S. Mail driving from Kansas to California, and management positions he held for various enterprises. His love and eye for high quality and?fine craftsmanship which led to an Antique business shared with Jen. His memories of his mom and dad and aunt and brother. His 50/50 life principle. And as we drew closer, he said to me he was seeing his dad who had passed years ago alot more and his best friend who had died at age 21. My questions went even deeper than, I felt Spirit leading. And his responses went deeper too. He was touching the Reality along with me in his Heart space as I was mine.?Life was returning?in us in this most unusual circumstance. He was realizing this and he began to genuinely thank me?throughout everyday for spending so much time with him and how much he InJoyed our visits. We were heading home together.
Since Robert was becoming more and more immobile, we would sit and talk, listen to music, watch movies on the Old Classic Movie channel and some new ones especially if? Jeff Bridges was in it, Robert thought highly of Jeff’s acting. And I built fires which he loved, and sat and read or stream wrote while Robert would watch golf or tv on mute, we just shared space and the wonderful thing is that we were able to experience what it is like to share silent space comfortably with another Being. Everything just seemed so natural. Peace was being experienced deeper in my Heart too. I had an unexplainable sense of All is Well in All Ways, feeling. Everything just seemed right about everything, the way it was unfolding in every area of my life.
My experience with Robert was so?connected into my relationship with my Mother, it will take a whole other stream to write about this and I will.?I InCourage and InPower?ones who may read this,?be assured?in?a solid supportive?everywhere Presence?of Loves Peace that is underlying this topside material world. It is here, It has always been here. It never left.
It’s just easy in moments to forget Its here because it is a?Presence that is only experienced in being still?inside to sense It.
In the evening as Jen and I?were walking out the door?to return?home, Robert would raise his right hand to me and say, ‘Julia, thank you for spending the day with me, Injoy your evening.’ And I would say, ‘It was my pleasure Robert, I InJoy you.’ He liked that. And in the moment that Robert went on through, he in his body’s unconscious state, raised his right hand and Jen who was the only one in the room?reached?for?and held his hand as he drew his last breath in this world. Her voice was so peaceful in the reliving of this very healing moment. He had Peace and so did she. And so do I.
I have more to share about my time spent with Robert as I stream wrote in my notebook I carried along with me for our daily visits. And the similarites of this experience?in my mother’s Life transitioning into her Light experience is too much alike in ways to be without a Divine purpose. And I will share this here too in another blog.
For now, I share, that Robert moved?through?the Rites of Peaceful Passage into a Higher Level?~ Quality of Life beautifully, peacefully and dignified. The way everyone has the right to experience their birth into more ongoing Life.
I am deeply grateful for this experience. Thank you Robert for being a genuine friend of the Heart. You will always be remembered for your sense of humor, love of music and dancing, birds and flowers, watching the sunlight play across a room and most of all, for your generous Heart towards those without family whom you adopted and took on as your own family. What a true friend you are and always will be.
And thank you Jen, for letting go into trust?by allowing this to unfold the way it has for the Highest Good and Potential for us all. It sure turned out a lot differently than was originally thought yes?
There is more to this, there is always more to life, even when it seems to shift in form, I have come to understand and realize even more deeply aware now that my Mom and Robert always live?on in my Heart, in their rightful place, for no one can take away their space in?my Life contained in Spirit’s Eternal Heart ~
InJoy this day by connecting with your Heart Space, and you will Remember Loves Peaceful Presence?the more you spend time visiting with It ~
Your Life goes on ~ Forever ~ in the Heart of Ones who Love you,
Many Blessings, Be Well in Love,
You are Forever held in the Peaceful Presence, in the Center of Love, In God’s Heart,
Life Begins?Again ~
Copyright ? 2011 You-Nique-By-Design.com