Emotions, Riding the Rhythmic Waves
“There are those who discover they can leave behind destructive reactions and become patient as the earth, unmoved by fires of anger or fear, unshaken as a pillar, unperturbed as a clear and quiet pool.”
~ The Dhammapada
‘Feelings are much like waves, we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.’
~ Jonatan Martensson
‘Emotions are are like crayons, a thermometer, an indicator of how we are choosing to deal with a momentary experience, emotions are what reveal the colors of our innermost feelings.’
~ Julia Lisa
“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.’
~ Oscar Wilde
‘This too shall pass.’ — Advisors to King Solomon
‘Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.’
~ Proverbs 25:26
One benefit of growing up and fitting into my skin by entering maturity in the second half of my life experience, is becoming more capable of having a firmer grasp on the reins of my once wild riding emotions. It has taken me years of learning to how to ride out the rhythmic waves. Growing in discernment and insights gained through daily practicing on how to become more aware of how I was feeling in a given moment as I was learning to gauge how the quality of my life was being affected by the way I handled my feelings. I can observe in myself now, just how much I’ve changed in how I feel about a lot of things and how differently I perceive things today from the way I once did.
Emotions can encompass a wide range of feelings and sensations, anywhere from peaceful and mild to strongly overpowering, and at times down right debilitating. Have you ever felt the effects of being on an emotional roller coaster ride which seemed to come upon us suddenly, feeling powerless to cease from losing it when circumstances appeared to be beyond our control, and then leaving us exhausted and bewildered in its wake by the force of emotions that escaped from inside of us?
Are you able to remain in a steady calm, balanced from being disciplined in self control? Do find your self managing to remain more on an even keel even when the storms and upheavals of outer life come crashing through our inner world?
What are emotions for, why do we have them, and what do we do with them when they are getting farther away from our ability to rein them in, especially when we are experiencing ones that do not feel as wonderful as the ones that feel more comfortable or peaceful.
A wise friend once shared with me about how it is wise to avoid getting too emotionally caught up (swinging off balance) regarding life’s circumstances, especially in the area of relationships.
‘Don’t get too high on the highs and don’t get too low on the low’s. Stay in middle, (the center) and just go with it, the ups and downs, learn to ride with the wave.’
~ Rick Irons (Surf Pro)
Excellent advice. You don’t fight the wave, you let the wave carry you along from start to finish. While this thought has always stayed with me while being in the midst of having another inflow of experiences, what has allowed me to grow in understanding this wise thought even more, has been from persistently putting into practice the art of staying balanced by learning to control my emotions more and more before they begin to take off. Learning from moving through the diverse stages of opportunities presenting themselves to me, in order to gain more emotional self control. My friend wasn’t saying to not have any emotions at all, he was saying to practice keeping a firm rein on them, by not allowing myself to be ruled by my emotions or get stuck in them by allowing them to wash over me rough shod.
Making the effort to keep your balance while staying on top of the board as you ride the wave or it will end up riding on top of you.
Learning to master our emotions, instead of being mastered by our emotions must be learned through practice.
How do we practice something we cannot see yet can feel so acutely?
We can learn to master controlling the rhythmic dance of our emotions by noticing where we are placing our focus. Through the daily practice of gathering my fractured soul back into my body by choosing to hold on tight to the reel, I became grounded in to the present, where I was standing in the moment, and I had to learn to say no to the part in myself that wanted my emotions to be swept away, by unfinished emotional responses embedded in my past.
It has come from being given a new spirit and a new heart, finding a greater power and strength in the person of the Holy Spirit, willing to cleanse my conscious to bring my emotions back under control. From giving careful attention to what or who was sitting in the driver’s seat of my emotions at any given moment, I was more in tune whenever my emotions were giving off signals of a change that was taking place in my emotional well being and my outlook on life affirmed this change. By tuning into the subtle change before it got out of control, I was able to surf more at ease through the ever changing nature of my emotions. Practicing the art of bringing my thoughts captive under the discipline and guidance of the Holy Spirit, it has become much easier to maintain a calmer, stable and peaceful state on the inside.
I have learned to lean into the wave by focusing on the Creator of the wave more and less on the wave itself. The One Whose hand turns the waves wheresoever way He wills. I rest by making Him my shield and cover from the storms that come my way.
When my attention is fractured by all the distractions surrounding me, I tend to become overwhelmed which leads to feelings of vulnerability that opens a foothold, a portal to let fear enter into me. Gone is my peace as I am swept away by the gasps for breath as I begin to sink into the depths of despair.
I have made an exchange that led to my error. I have traded placing more power in created things and less power into the Creator of all things.
By being observant of my emotional temperature, I have become more seasoned in riding with the Rhythm of my emotional cycles, while lessening the experiences of so many bumps and bruises from being tossed around by them, running away from me, out of control. I am becoming wiser at recognizing when and understanding where I need to shift position-ally where I am standing on the board of my emotions in order to maintain staying on top. Too much to the left or right and my foot is in the water.
Sounds wonderful doesn’t it?
I just wasn’t emotionally mature at this age in my life. I was in my early twenties, which was definitely a time of being ruled by my emotions. I wasn’t aware enough of my boundaries nor comfortable enough in my own skin to know how to manage them, they just ‘seemed’ to rise up at a moment’s notice. It’s the time in life when most of us are much more concerned with fitting in and being accepted by others, being more focused on trying to please others, because of being too unsure of our self, and too intimidated by the fear of rejection to rock the boat. We are more outwardly focused. We have yet to grow grounded roots from the knowledge we gain through experience that solidly anchors us from being sure footed in the Spirit of God, Who is the anchor of our souls, that leads to the security of living from our authentic nature, when we are living in and from a personal face to face relationship with the One Who created us.
I eventually came to the understanding that I was insecure because I didn’t really know who I really was at this time a part from being a somebody’s somebody. I also didn’t know God as intimately as I once thought I did. I was aware of what Be here now meant in my head but it would take time to infuse this into my heart and soul. And I thought who I was and what I am was defined by what was out there going on all around me and that my emotions affecting me in myriads of ways was the definition of ‘who’ I was.
We aren’t always aware that our emotional upheavals are because of something we are subconsciously basing our reality on due to embedded subjective programming in our sphere of influence from birth on. We are responding based upon past experiences without being aware of it. We have been programmed to respond in a certain way by the modeling we received. Not many of us had parents who explained this stuff and how it all works, let alone modeled to us how to have a healthy grip on our emotions…perhaps because they didn’t know how to stay on top of their unhealthy emotional swings either. They too were living from embedded influence. It’s not a required course in conventional schools of education’s curriculum’s and most likely not modeled well for many of us in our earliest home and social environments.
Until I was made aware of looking into where I learned my emotional reactions and responses – the root, I had no idea that they could be changed by being unlearned-uprooted. So until I unlearned these programmed responses, I would be caught in the wheel of human suffering and continue to experience another repeat lesson (eventually observed as an opportunity) to learn how to hold and steer the reins of my emotions more. I desired to be freed from the roller coaster ride of being tossed to and fro in an overwhelming sea of churning, and I really wanted to get a handle on learning how to not only handle my emotions properly but how to have healthy emotional and physical well-being. These emotional upheavals were wreaking havoc on me and leaving me exhausted spiritually, mentally, and physically.
My journey to freedom and reclaiming the life I was created to live began when I was shown how to respond to the thoughts that led me into a downward spiral. I learned to stop whatever I was doing, draw my attention to the inside and ask myself one of the following questions like; ‘Hmm…and just where did this thought originally come from?’ or ‘Who said that?’ and then I would be still and listen to the response. This really calmed the inner chatter down significantly. Applying this and writing stream journal-ling soon after rising each morning.
The next step led me into re-tracing the now noticeable to me repeating emotional reactionary comments, which led me into staying with the trail that was leading me back to its original source. Looking for the place where I first remembered having this intense feeling for the very first time began to bring up memories I had forgotten, ones that had been buried prematurely from not being able to speak for myself or defend myself at a vulnerable time in my life. From there, I began to observe very carefully while remaining persistent to examine more closely the familial patterns that like tracks left behind from something or someone familiar who has left their impression behind. If the experience was unpleasant or traumatic, the memory tends to become hard set into the once soft clay path we walked. We remember, and remembering is what enables us to trace major emotional imbalances back to where they originated from, by staying vigilant in following and uncovering its trail.
We are seeking to retrieve something lost to us that was felt to the innermost part of us. Now, something I once really believed has changed in the way I see what it is we are seeking to find. We speak of the Lost Child and I spent years looking for mine, until I came to the place where I realized that I could not bring the dead back to life. It would take a miracle to bring the dead child back to life. And then, I wanted this child to be free of her wounds and the death blow that took her life from her. I went back through years of searching to the place where my innocence was lost.
It was not the child that I sought as I once thought and believed and which was the reason I had such difficulty in finding her again, it was my lost childhood.
I had to grow up before the proper time established for me by my Creator who divinely numbers each of our days for us uniquely. Forced into blooming before my time, not being allowed to go through each stage fully so that at the proper season of the harvest intended for me to flush into full bloom would result in the sweetest tasting and sweetly fragrant, fully produced and full bodied fruit; spiritually, soulfully sound in heart and mind, and physically complete. This is what God means when He says to be perfect as He is perfect.
Fully furnished in all our ways. Spirit, soul and body.
Emotions that are subconsciously absorbed and ingrained by the emotional triggers that have been patterned into our subconscious memory, seem to come from the daily impressions made by living in our influential environment of our most tender years, we bear the marks of impressions made. We live so close to our self that we cannot see our self because we were conditioned to focus on the person outside of us who did not allow us to think good thoughts about our self and about God. Until I could really understand the purpose for doing this difficult and sometimes very complex and frustrating inner work, I knew I would only continue to reinforce these patterned responses even more by repeating them in my relationship with others in my life. And this would affect every single relationship in my life beginning with God.
Our parents were children too, and most likely wasn’t allowed to experience the fullness of the times of their childhood either. And so, from generation to generation, the patterns are passed down. The Bible says that the broken pattern in mankind is biological and this is why we must be born again of new seed. The seed of Yeshua Christ.
Otherwise, we are ‘doomed’ to repeat the patterns in some way if we cannot change them in our selves. And I ask you to consider as I was asked to consider, ‘How can you change a pattern that is biological in nature?’
Deja poo. The feeling you’ve waded through this crap before.
‘All the knowledge I possess, everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own.’
~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
It would take awhile before I would realize that I’m the only one who has been given the responsibility of handling the emotional reactions or responses I am having within myself and that no one else can own that nor do it for me. No one else is accountable for my behavior as an adult.
Maturity is measured by a person’s ability to accept full response-ability for their own thoughts, words and deeds.
This meant there that I could not give any space for casting blame upon someone else for my own emotional well-being no matter what way they chose to behave towards me or by how another chose to handle their own emotions. I have freewill to choose how I respond and realized that whether or not I acted upon this fact did not make it any less true.
Discernment gave me the insight into my heart’s motives for stirring my emotions. Did I want the approval or acceptance from another as my motive for being the way I am? Giving my power away? I had to work through what it was in me that was the real reason I allowed myself to feel rejected or loved by another, and once again, I had to begin from the beginning of my learned behavior.
The interesting thing about tracing the ingrained patterns rutted into my life from the beginning, is that the road grew narrower the closer I was to the original seed that had sprouted and by now I was in deeply rooted territory, and I found out that the roots underground are home to the many branches of the tree that had grown into me and my life.
No one else can embody me by feeling my feelings for me. No one can make me feel the way I allow myself to feel, unless I give them the power to make me feel a certain way, whether it’s in hurting me or handing over to them the ownership of my emotional well-being for better or worse. If I allow another to choose the way I feel or respond, by blaming them for the way I handle my emotions and response, by holding someone else responsible for the way I choose to be, I become their slave and I am not free.
While we can’t undo what has already been done in the past, we can choose to make changes in the way we live by becoming more acquainted with our authentic nature so that no matter whose presence we come into from this moment on we can live by standing firmly on balanced feet, in charge of our emotional life. And in making this choice, we will begin to notice the subtle but sure change occurring inside of us because we will experience peace. And it will flow from a heart that is at peace because the soul is at peace with the Spirit of peace which means that our thoughts, words and actions will be much more peaceful, and peace that flows from our inward being prolongs life in the physical being.
We cannot be responsible for another’s choice to speak within them self words that speak life to the spirit within them or speak death to it. We become able to walk away from those who speak only death in the relationship, for they cannot offer life to it if it life is not dwelling within their own innermost being. I highly encourage you to pray for their well being and healing as you do your own, and not to wish any harm to come upon them and risk becoming like them.
When we accept our God given response-ability fully, we will be able to discern when someone who thinks less of them self reveals the way they really feel inside about them self by acting upon their false beliefs via thoughtless behavior towards others outwardly. We see the foundation of what they are building their life view upon.
What I have had to learn is forgiveness for the source of my learned emotional responses and from having to dig deep enough to be able to cut out the unhealthy roots feeding into my emotional imbalances.
We become like what or whom we’re unwilling to forgive.
And the way to know that you’ve forgiven someone genuinely is that you will notice that you do not exhibit their unhealthy influences in your ability to respond any longer in your life, your response ability has shifted back into your self, and your emotions will be able to remain more stable whenever they come to mind.
You have found the center of staying balanced in your emotions because you are the one maintaining your emotions and no one else is pulling you off center. You have acquired your authentic inheritance of having healthy boundaries.
Learning to forgive others went hand in hand in learning to include forgiving myself by being willing to admit my own mistakes made from having imbalanced emotions. This was not easy because I could easily see where I had been wounded and felt justified in being the way I was. I just wasn’t experiencing peace or joy.
There can be a strange sense of comfort that we receive from our programmed emotional misery. I assure you though, there is a much deeper depth to the comfort we experience when having peace enter into our soul and our emotions calm down the way the waves calmed down when Jesus spoke words of peace to abate the storm.
I have learned to observe and understand the cycles in Nature. This has been very helpful for me in understanding how to ride the emotional waves by sensing where in the wave the rhythms of my emotional life are. It’s helped me to handle my emotions more effectively and by growing in my ability to understand the cycles of nature, I can see that each season comes round again and each one has its unique purpose that comes in an orderly and timely fashion. Teaching me that letting go of the things of the former season leaves space for the next incoming season to share its gifts. Synchronizing with the cycles, helps us to become more rhythmic in our nature.
I have spent a lot of years working on having feel ‘good’ emotions all the time, especially when I would experience feeling ‘not so good’ emotions however, I noticed it would work only for awhile. Then something would come up and here I was swinging like an emotional pendulum once again, sometimes feeling it stronger than before. These emotions kept coming back because instead of just letting the emotion rise up and go, I kept working on suppressing the ‘not so good’ ones or trying to cover or change it with a peanut butter smear of get to the ‘feel good’ thoughts. Why? Because I didn’t like the way I was feeling and I wanted to feel another way, treating the symptoms and not getting to the cause or source of the emotion. Get rid of the feeling idea. I wanted to get away from it because I kept focusing on wanting to change it from pain, instead of finding the source of the pain and resisting the way I felt only gave it more power to control me by refusing to go away until I released it that pointed me to where the wound was first felt.
I kept running away from ‘feeling bad’ or negative emotion. When I was ‘feeling good’ I didn’t want it to end. This is also a sign of a lack mentality. ‘I won’t ever feel this happy again mentality.’ I looked at negative as a bad thing to be avoided and positive as a good thing to run towards and cling to. This is due to a conditioned, programmed way of labeling of emotional reactions or responses and can come from not being allowed to experience our emotions freely, to be dis-allowed to feel what we feel in the moment. It’s called disowning or invalidating our feelings.
We all grow up by observing and subconsciously absorbing what is in our immediate environment whether our home and/or through societal influences. We seem to notice that certain things are viewed as a standard of good or bad that comes with a reward system. Anger, depression, hurt, pain, sadness and grief are labeled as negative, bad or darker emotions and not allowed to be expressed.
Happiness, joy, elation, being upbeat is labeled as good, positive or having lighter emotions on some scale of degrees is presented as what is acceptable. These are contrasts or two sides of the same coin. How do we define joy if we have not experienced pain or sadness? Emotions are indicators of our soul’s temperature. That’s what they are there for, to reveal the state of our soul. Is our soul controlling our emotions or are our emotions driving of our soul?
Practice asking yourself this question the next time you sense an emotional trigger about to go off again and repeat a pattern that is not promoting life to your relationship; ”Where and when do I first remember ever having this strong emotional response in my life? What caused my strong emotional response? How was my strong emotional response handled? How did I feel about the way it was handled?
I have found that when I invite God into a situation to show me the source of my emotional issue with another, He gives me deeper insights. I ask to be shown another way to see the situation, or person or thing by asking to be given His eyesight to be able to see clearly without personal bias into the truth or heart of the matter, and to be given discernment without passing judgment.
I stumbled over emotions a lot especially in my earlier formative years and still do trip up once in awhile, only now, I am much more able to be in control of my emotions by practicing the discipline of ‘taking every thought captive unto the obedience of Christ and by asking to have the Mind of Christ.’ This has been the greatest help for me in learning to gain control of my emotional health and well being. And has brought stability of a sound mind to me. And I have tried many many different ways. All the ways I’ve shared do work. I found that they work more efficiently since inviting God’s Spirit into my quest for emotional, mental, and physical well being. I kept leaving out The Spirit of God in my spiritual practice.
Having our emotions is very much a part of our Spiritual Life experience here yet God did not intend for us to be over-ruled by our emotions.
We spend so much of our earlier years stuffing down and hiding from our genuine feelings from fears of being rejected and not being loved for having these feelings. We don’t seem to know what to do with our feelings. We think; “If they only knew what I was feeling they would get angry, reject me, not love me or accept me.” And then this shows up in our responses emotionally. We over project our emotions when someone accidentally bumps into our tender spot. And our emotions have a way of manifesting what we are truly feeling inside. Have you ever thought or said, ‘Why did I do or say that? That is not what I meant?’
We all have at some time.
Have you ever given much thought to considering the idea that we are not our emotions? Emotions are tools of our soul, they are the way we communicate outwardly in the material world about what is going on within the immaterial nature of our being.
I encourage you to give God the opportunity to show you where you may have any emotional wounds or ashes of residual wounds that need to be fully brought up into the light of day by allowing any hidden or repressed feelings to be safely expressed and validated, by releasing them into our Heavenly Father’s keeping, ask to be set free from any emotional bondage by being open to receiving into your self a filling of the Power of God Who has the ability to release us from all of our fears and emotional imbalances.
“For God has not given us a Spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7
I genuinely encourage you to Ask to receive complete Emotional Healing and to be filled to overflowing with the Beauty of God’s Spirit, Who desires to work through all of us and truly desires for us to express in our authentic unique nature. He desires to partner with us, by showing us how to make our way across the face of this life while learning the art of balancing and gaining the mastery of our emotions.
God loves you no matter how you may be feeling in this moment.
Know this emotion shall soon pass ~
Many Blessings for your full emotional well-being
InJoy riding the rhythmic waves of your emotions by learning how to control them.
…and when you do experiencing a less than good emotional day,
May you remember the Sun is still shining behind the often fleeting clouds ~
Love in the Spirit and Mind of Christ,
I wish you Peace in all circumstances,
Copyright 2008 – 2012 You-Nique-By-Design.com