Giving YourSelf Permission to Grieve ~

“Sorrow makes us all children again – destroys all differences of intellect.
The wisest know nothing.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Only those who avoid love can avoid grief. The point is to learn from grief and remain vulnerable to love.”

~ John Brantner

?Grief and sadness knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger than common joys.?

~ Alphonse de Lamartine

‘We have lost our ability to grieve. We don’t give ourself permission to grieve anymore. Grieving is a major part of healing. It connects us to our Oneness we share with another. Giving ourself permission to grieve allows our compassion to come forward and?share healing?with one another.’

~ Shaman, Sam Silver Devananda shared in the opening statement of the memorial ceremomy held for our Beloved friend Robert.


This is so true. Giving ourselves permission to grieve is allowing ourSelf to fully experience Life, all of it. It allows us to touch our darkness and bring it into balance with our light.

Can you remember a time when as a child,?while in the midst of experiencing your Heart being broken, you were stopped in the process or shamed to be grieving at all?

With comments such as, ‘Oh you’re just a cry baby’. Being taunted, laughed at or made fun of for grieving? Or told, to ‘knock that crying off, I’ll give you something to cry about if you don’t stop crying’, or Enough already! no one wants to listen to you cry, go somewhere else?’ Or even more painful, is when no one believes you. They cannot or will not believe you had the trauma you are saying hurt you. And some say you deserve your pain and suffering from an error made by you, in their ignorance. You are being denied permission to express your grief to allow it to run its course.

It’s understandable to see why we shy away from sharing our grief with another. We pretend that nothing can hurt us or break our hearts. We harden our heart to others by hardening ourSelf to our own Heart. We are ashamed of our grief, embarrassed by it. Ever notice how many are uncomfortable with crying in front of others or another?

Are you this way?

“Bring everything up to the surface. Accept your humanity, your animality. Whatsoever is there, accept it without any condemnation. Acceptance is transformation, because through acceptance awareness becomes possible.”

~ Osho

Instead, we hold it in. We stuff it down and put on the tough exterior or the ‘happy face’. While inside we continue to bleed from the internal wounds, left to be forgotten and unattended to, thinking that perhaps that time itself will erase the unfinished grieving process. It doesn’t. And the more pieces of our Hearts are left to remain in a broken bleeding state, we are left with this underlying feeling that seems to follow us everywhere, of a darkness within that is shut behind unseen doors. Like a ghost that rises to haunt us from the darkness. We hear the cries and anguished screaming in our night dreams, playing in the backs of our minds.

We then feel disconnected to ourself in our day to day living, a something’s wrong sensing and we just don’t know why. We just know we seem to be drifting farther and farther away from the way we once knew ourself to be once upon a time ago.

Happy and in Love with Being Alive in InJoying our Life. Where did our Happy Heart go?

We have all been cut off from our abilty to grieve in some ways. We have unfinished business to tend to withIn. We have left pieces of our Heart in every event where our grief was not allowed to fully express itself to complete the experience. We have allowed our Hearts to be treated like a mere broken toy. We have not given the Inner Child an opportunity to fully express this emotion before allowing it to pass and go on through. A natural process treated as unnatural.

We bury our grief before its time. It dies young before it completes itself. And we think its gone but it isn’t. We continue to grieve in a desensitized state of being.

While we can be genuinely happy in sharing another’s Joy, grieving bonds us with another in ways that Joy does not. It allows us to connect our human Being experience together from a deeper understanding in knowing what it feels like to experience loss, deep sadness and a broken Heart and dreams. We all know what it feels like to experience our Heart being broken into a million pieces so that we feel like we will never be able to put it all back together again yet, we hide it like it is to be kept a big dark secret.

I share?this verse I read back in the church years and one kept?tucked withIn ~

‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.’ ~ Psalm 34:18

I have been comforted by this One in deep Heart broken moments.? Being Present in my deep grieiving moments and feeling a warm embracing Energy in me and around me. So, when another is experiencing this, in being deeply comforted ourSelf by this One, we are able to hold and comfort another one in our Heartspace, by being Present with someone in their darkest moments, and this speaks louder than any words that can ever be spoken. Being there says it all. It says, ‘I understand what feeling broken hearted is. I have felt this way too. I am here to hold you, and embrace you in your pain. While I cannot feel your pain for you, I can hold you while you are experiencing it so you know you are not alone while you heal.’ Reassurance that they will heal once they are finished with their grieving.

When we share in another’s grieving with Loving compassion we are extending Love’s acceptance and InPowering them to give themself permission to finish the process with understanding and not by shaming. To have the ceremony that lays their grief to rest. Experiencing it’s completion. Our human nature needs completion and this is what I see is seriously missing in our day and age. We have become impatient with our human nature. Whether blatantly expressed or subtly felt, we are rushed through our days and life process by not being allowed to follow in our natural Inner cycles expressing outwardly.

Our Spirit knows what to do, we just forget to allow It to do what is innate, to bring us back into our well-being through the moment by moment process of accepting what is in the moment by allowing it to pass on through.

Spirit has given us emotions to be able to communicate our feelings we are having in the moment of a particular experience. And when we are cut off from completing the emoting of the experience we are having, especially grief, we tend to build up walls to protect our tender and vulnerable Hearts from being hurt this deeply again. Yet the unresolved grief is left to fester in our cutting it off before its time to be finished.

Yet, our grief still rises in many ways, it shows up in the ways we think and feel about life in general, in our health, in experiencing an underlying depression, an inner restlessness, angst, or a sense of missing something in life that we can’t quite put our finger on. We tend to be robots, walking around with painted on expressions of a stiff upper lip … until we hurt enough to break down and cry out in our raging and screaming frustration ~

I Invite you to observe in yourself, when was the last time you really gave yourself permission to cry out loud? A deep from the depths of your Heart wrenching and sobbing cry? Letting the held back rage of unmet needs to rise fully and then forgiving yourself for holding them in and not giving yourself permission to let them be expressed and released that has led you to make the choices you have made up to now by holding back on yourself with suppressed emotions.

Tears and grieving are like a healing balm that softens and mends our broken hearts. When we let down our walls and openly grieve, cry out and aloud and shed our tears only then can our hearts heal our hurts.

In Psalms 56:8 in the Bible, it says that God keeps all our tears in vials and does not overlook a single one. This always touched me deeply in reassurance that there was a Higher Source of comfort when I was alone in my grieving moments.

In this world today, we have become more isolated by technology and by being a transient generation. We become unknown to others in all our moving about, disconnected and without the stable roots of community to support us in all ways. The computers we have allow us to stay in the same room for hours or days on end, never getting out and about and around other human Beings and relating as we once did. From the days of neighborhood potlucks and neighborly community, sharing our lives daily with others as they shared theirs with ours. Having mentors and ones to come along side when your world is shaking around you and you just need a hand to hold or to be held in a difficult moment.

And through this hand holding hand into heart holding heart relationship, we find that our Joy returns and we in turn can be a present help for others who come after us in their grieving.

There are moments for quiet grieving alone with God, and then it seems God brings us ones who come along side to walk with us through the process. A witness of ITs Presence in our lives through another being an ambassador or Host of God. We pass it on by demonstrating this with others brought into our path along the way.

I find that when we have hardened our hearts to our grief, we are in essence shutting our Inner Child out and leaving it to deal with grief on its own, treating it like a child in constant punishment. Because most of our unfinished grief began while we were still young children. As children we felt powerless to do or undo the things we did any differently or unable to undo what others had done to us in these early years. Most were not given the opportunity to choose again without punishment or recourse of some kind.

This can cause a child to feel unloved, unheard and unattended to. A child being left to itself. Ignored and abandoned.

This can bring up?feelings of rage, guilt, anger, deep sadness, pain and suffering, all these emotions stemming from a deeper sense of feeling wounded and hurt. While we were under the care of adults, if we did not receive proper care, we carry these deep unresolved emotions that were not allowed to be expressed without consequences. This is the grieving I am speaking of releasing. By allowing yourself to own up to your feelings and then giving yourself permission to let them go by letting them out once and for all.

We can release these emotions while still functioning in life. Releasing our grief does not incapacitate us as many would be believe. It returns our misplaced energy.

We genuinely cannot rebuild our lives on unhealed foundations and expect them to remain stable and strong. We must clear it all out and break new ground to rebuild on. By doing a deep Inner House cleansing. Sweeping what’s under the rug out the door once and for all.

Do you have any lingering unadressed grief still being hidden within? It may not seem like a big deal to look into now as an adult, or it may seem like a lot of work to clear up, I ask you, do you have a sense of something is not quite on center or is missing in your life and yet you don’t seem to know why? Do you have this un-named restlessness or irritation inside that you just don’t seem to be able to put your finger on or name it? Does it seem like no matter what you do, nothing seems to satisfy you for very long?

Perhaps being open enough to consider taking another closer view through your life gallery to see where you may have cut yourself off or been cut off from unfinished grief, as a place to begin. Your Inner Child is calling to you as it is lost in the dark somewhere withIn. Hidden behind a closed door.

You can view your life in five year increments from 0-5 and so on, and recall events and who it was that was involved in the grief experience and how you felt when it happened.? Give it a range from 1 to 10 on the emotional scale. I did these things. When I Invited Divine Spirit into the deep examination of my emotional state, things rose up quite quickly to be viewed and then, by allowing myself to grieve over the incident or incidents, and allowing the emotional residue to come to the surface and be freed, I found that I could finally let them go. They seemed to come in clusters emotionally and then there were ones that were quite hidden away, now being revealed. I did symbolic cermonies of writing the experience or person onto a piece of paper and tossing them into fires and releasing them into Love. And honestly, there are ones I do not know exactly what they were, I just had this deep sense of releasing going on and have come to trust that my Inner Spirit is doing a deep healing work inside me. I just say,

‘Thank you, I release you from the role you play in me, go in Peace.’

You will begin to notice how much lighter you feel with each grief being allowed to complete its process and go on. There is no more need to search for and gather all the broken pieces of your Heart once you give yourself permission to heal. In grieving fully, we become One in ourSelf again. Our Heart is allowed to heal ItSelf naturally through this process and become One again.

I InCourage you to Invite Spirit to reveal your grief to you so you can heal from the acknowledging and releasing of it. The Spirit in you believes you, no matter what anyone else says. It knows you intimately and everything you have ever been through. Waiting for you to share all of your life with It by welcoming It to participate in your daily Living Life process.

And Spirit InPowers us with compassion for others who do not know how to give themself permission yet to let their grief go. Perhaps this is why you may be experiencing this right now, so you can be the one to show another how to be free and healed of their inner child’s wounds as you have allowed yourself to be healed of yours.

You can be a Healer of wounds because your own wounds have been healed. A once wounded, now healed Being. Your inner child’s well-being is rebuilding and restoring itself into its natural state.

The only way to be healed is to allow the tender wound to be opened up and addressed fully. Release the trapped emotions of the traumatic experiences to be fully felt and? acknowledged. Be kind and patient with yourself, remember you are being reacquainted with your pushed aside, Inner Child and it takes Spirit’s Love expressed in genuine tenderness and kindness and compassion to heal its wounds and left alone to fester emotions.

Weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.’

~ Psalms 30:5

The energy of your Being will be transformed. A Course in Miracles says, ‘Nothing is ever lost, only transformed’ (energy). Your deepest grief will be transformed into your greatest Joy and Blessings when you no longer push them into the dark. The child is being heard and free to be itself in the Light of Loves keeping.

Today, may you begin by opening up your closet, the one that has a lock with the key having been thrown away so no one could see into your pain and grief. Let the door be opened to allow the Light to shine in and reach for the child who was stuffed into this closet and told to be quiet or else! And watch as this child transforms before your very eyes, step by step as it is freed of the heavy chains of grief and now can feel the breath of its authentic nature freeing it to go forth with Love and compassion and open willingness to do unto others as has been done unto itself. A captive set free!

Go forth once you are freed up from your held back emotions, breathing in your Inner Child’s emotions?being aligned with you now in Peace, and may you InJoy life from this moment,? fully experiencing your life as was intended for you to Live. All at Once In yourSelf? by living true in yourself. Your past experiences now integrated into you and transformed into the You Being more fully You now. Grown into the fullness of its Being. Like a sweet and ripened fruit?being fully?Injoyed.

To your Freedom that comes from re-connecting with your Inner Child , Lovingly held in Its rightful place in your Heart as you are held in Its Heart Always ~

Many Blessings and Be Well,

InJoy Lovingly holding your Inner Child Self’s hand today in Heart ~

?Love flowing your way ~



Copyright ? 2008-2012

This entry was posted on 040623H May 2010 and is filed under Giving YourSelf Permission to Grieve ~. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “Giving YourSelf Permission to Grieve ~”

  1. Talker Says:

    Beautifully expressed Julia, taking one deep into long untouched areas of ones soul. Precious moments of remembrance. Moments of awareness that tears of sadness can also open the soul to tears of joy.
    Ah that feeling so difficult to describe, when the inner welling begs release, and meets that wall of ‘crying is for babies and girls’.
    For many males, it is still a learning curve in how to freely express the shedding of tears, for those special moments when lifes experiences beckon..

  2. Julia Says:

    Beloved Talker,

    I especially have a heart for the many males who are told over and over again, that ‘crying is for babies and girls.’

    I find that when a man cries openly, it reveals his Infinite Spirit of compassion. A trait that is deeply respected and Loved by ones who live from their Heartspace.

    Many Blessings and Be Well ~

    InJoying this day along with me my Beloved Friend!!


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