GOD is Faithful ~ Part Two
‘As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.’
~ Ecclesiastes 11:5
‘Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.’
~ Proverbs 19:21
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his step.’
~ Proverbs 16:9
On my way home from the hospital with the words of the doctor still echoing in my mind, I was overcome by such a deep despairing and sadness in my soul that all I could do was sob deeply. There were no words. By the grace of GOD, no one was hurt by my blinded driving, and I made it home through the down pouring of my tears. I pulled up in the driveway, and stayed in my car while pulling myself together and once inside, I walked with eyes down straight to my room. I was still living at home, and I didn’t want my mom or my brother to know anything about what had just happened to me, I would share with my brother later when I was ready.
My work gave me as much time as I needed to recuperate so I turned into a recluse and did not leave my house nor answer my phone. I felt truly lost. I didn’t know what to do.
‘Deep calls unto deep.’
~ Psalms 42:7
One afternoon, I was curled up into a fetal position on my bed and feeling very alone and lost when I heard a question rising from somewhere deep inside of me…it was directing questions towards GOD! Is this me talking to GOD!?!, I wondered… the questions surfacing were like; ‘Do Christians smoke pot and do drugs?, if not, what do they do to have fun? I’d never thought about such things before.
‘I don’t want to live for you GOD, I’ve seen the way other Christians live and frankly it is boring, and boredom would be the death of me, I can’t stand being suffocated with boredom’. ‘GOD, if you’re really there, I really need to know what to do, I need some answers because I don’t know where to go from here, please help me, show me in some way or tell me what to do if I can’t live the same life as I have been.’ I just didn’t want to die, I had my whole life to live and so many plans planned.
Within two weeks I was back at work and my busy days in the salon, and yet, soon after, I lost some bad habits, I quit smoking pot, dropped the cigarettes, and although I was never really fond of drinking, I simply stopped it altogether. I was the new ‘boring’ me, who continued to stay away from my friends and the parties. I worked and then came home and hid in my room and listened to music in solitude.
Eventually though I had to come out and face my best friend from High School, Toni. Toni and I were very close and we were party pals. I told her when she had called for the ‘I don’t remember how many times’, that I was no longer partying because it almost permanently destroyed my life.
She begged me to come with her to a party just this once, to get out of the house and people watch with her, persuading me to go with her by whining that I did not have to partake of any substances that would be flowing there. So, out of feeling guilt and pity on her going alone, I went for my best friend’s sake, not really feeling into it.
It was a typical beautiful Southern California evening, and the party was already active when we arrived. She drove, so I was at the mercy of my friend as to when I could leave should I decide to go home early.
‘Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.’
~ Corrie Ten Boom
It’s funny how our life can change in a moment. You meet someone and your whole life goes in a different direction than the way you made your plans for how it was going to be. I had already decided that I would not be ready for a marriage nor have any children before at least age 25 if not older…but there was to be an interesting twist of events that would happen this evening from my going to this party that night… I was to meet my future husband and the man who would be the father of our two daughters.
As for the twist. While Toni was parking her VW Bug, she said with her eyes not looking at mine, ‘I think I fogot to mention to you that there’s suppose to be a guy I just met and like that I promised to meet here tonight.
‘Uh no-oh, you did not ‘mention’ anything like this to me at all!’
‘I was afraid to come alone so I had to beg you so you would come out of seclusion and come with me to hold my hand’, she said with a guilty look.
I did not hide my displeasure as I said, ‘Really Toni!?! Thanks a lot!! Like I want to be a third wheel, I didn’t even want to be here at all!’
We got out and walked into the party and soon settled into a group of friends, staying outside so Toni could watch for her latest guy of interest. Our earlier disagreement was for the moment forgotten…
While enjoying the party conversation and joking around, I looked up right as a nice looking surfer guy was walking straight towards me and I was caught off guard by his most wonderful smile. I am a smiler too, so it was just a normal response for me to smile back at him. He walked right up to me while offering me his beer, and said, ‘Hi! I’m Lonnie, we’ve met before at a party haven’t we?’
‘No thanks, I gave up drinking and I can’t say that I’ve met you before’. This is when I noticed Toni’s face out of the corner of my eye, it was one of those, ‘I am not happy at all faces’. She grabbed my arm and pulled me close to her and whispered into my ear, ‘that’s HIM, Lonnie’s the guy I like and I am going to take him inside with me’.
I thought to myself, oh, well pardon me, and simply shook my head and turned back to the people watching and our group of friends. I ended up getting a ride home with a mutual friend. And that was that. Or so I thought.
Turns out, nothing came out of Toni liking Lonnie, they just didn’t click, as Toni said to me later lamenting that she couldn’t find the right guy. I listened, sympathized and life went on.
Lonnie called me within a week after the party to request my skills as a hairstylist to repair his butchered haircut. It’s funny that we both ran with a lot of the same group of people yet had never met before. I was known as a hairstylist who cut my friends’ hair on the side, so they gave Lonnie my number and told him to call me.
I declined at first when he asked me because I didn’t want to stir anything up with Toni and get in the middle. Lonnie was very persistent in a charming way and wouldn’t take no for an answer, pleading to my ‘good side’ until I finally said yes just to get him to stop bugging me, and not to be thought of as a schmoe to our mutual friends.
That first haircut is how it all began. The subject of our conversation took me by surprise. It turned out to be a very spiritual conversation while I cut his hair, with Lonnie asking me if I had ever studied Buddhism, Seth, or the Baghavadghita. Seems he was into living a spiritual way of living, and I was none the wiser but I wondered at what he shared, and was drawn to the subject in light of my recent experience and also noticed how calm and laid back Lonnie’s demeanor was. He was very different from anyone I had met up to this time in my life.
I, myself had zero knowledge of anything spiritual and had never pursued such things in my life, as far as studying them goes…Now, the occult had been the source of my fascination since a child, and perhaps someday I may share more about that.
The time came for Lonnie to return to finish his schooling in Hawaii, which is why we hadn’t met before, because he left soon after his graduation from High School to live in Hawaii and surf and happened to be home on ‘school vacation’ when we met. I would recall later how often I had heard his name mentioned in passing conversations while hanging out and partying with mutual friends, it just went in one ear and out the other.
We wrote long letters, and had long phone conversations over a six month period when one day he asked me to move to Hawaii. I had been pondering over how to explain what had happened to Toni. My conscience was bothering me since I wasn’t known for dating other girl’s boyfriends that I knew, especially not my best friend’s whether brief dates or bedfellows.
The unwritten code was ‘don’t fish in the same pond’…but this had happened quite unexpectedly and just flowed naturally from our first conversation. I already had my one way ticket to Hawaii, and was packing and preparing to move there all while tossing out a prayer here and there for the right words and the right moment. I didn’t know that God was listening and responding to my prayers even while I was still completely clueless about God.
‘So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.’
~ 2 Corinthians 5:7
It was a couple of weeks before the date of my departure to go and live in Hawaii, when I received a phone call from Toni about Lonnie’s best friend Sam, who had died in a freak accident while at work, and Toni wanted to send Lonnie a sympathy card or go to Hawaii and see Lonnie to share in his grieving, even though she had had no contact with him since their goodbye and didn’t have his address. I wondered if this would be the time to tell her…
‘The truth can sometimes hurt, but not nearly as much as lies do.’
‘ Trust, years to earn, seconds to break.’
I leapt in what can only be called faith and in the most gentlest way, I told her the truth. Not surprisingly, she didn’t take my confession very well, and I felt the hurt wedging a gap between us.
I don’t like hurting people intentionally and have felt the sting of betrayal myself. But I had to tell her the truth because it was the right thing to do, and sometimes the truth hurts us as much deeply as the betrayal, but in the end, it is the lies that hurt even more. My conscience was not at peace until I was honest and told Toni the truth, that Lonnie and I had been writing and talking for six months and I explained to her how it happened and that it was not done to hurt her intentionally.
My reward for being truthful, was I exiled from our group as Toni went around and made me out to be something worse than a demon possessed harlot shrew. They knew nothing about our relationship since I didn’t discuss it with anyone. I was so saddened by how quick the people I had known were so easily turned away from me and willing to believe the worst about me. It was like they had never known me at all. And this taught me something about the difference in what a true friend really is and is not, and how trials can reveal what a friendship is really standing upon. Apparently our friendship wasn’t mature enough to weather this storm. Turning out the ways things did, also made my decision to leave Southern California behind and move to Hawaii, a lot easier in some ways.
So the day finally arrived for me to leave home, and I almost missed my plane due to my mom and brother who were driving me, getting such a late start for the airport and we hit L.A. traffic at full grid lock, another reason I was happy to get away. I was the last person to board the plane, the door was closing as my mother, brother, and I were running fast down the hallway terminal yelling for them to wait up. I got a look from the stewardess as I flew through the door in an evening party wear dress and high heels no less.
I can still remember the look in my mother’s eyes as I turned to say I love you and goodbye Kahsan, from the quickly closing door of the plane. A look was there that I wasn’t expecting to see; pain and deep sadness were in her eyes, and this confused me because she had seemed so happy that I had decided to go and had even encouraged me to go by saying everyone should see Hawaii at least once in their lives…the door closed before I could say anything else and the stewardess ushered me to my seat.
As the years continued on I would grow in my ability to understand many years later, that my mom never really expected me to stay and live there and not ever come back home, she had held to a hope of my coming back home and taking care of her and my brother because I had enjoyed a very lucrative career as a hairstylist and shared my blessings freely with her. I was young and had everything I needed and more, and she saw that I could take care of myself as well as helping her out too. We hadn’t worried about money for awhile.
The plane took off and held within it my luggage in more ways than one, as I was to discover down along my life’s way. This was symbolic and literal. I was entering a new chapter in my life that began the moment the plane door closed. A chapter of my life that ended my childhood, and now I was entering into the next stage of new life experiences as an initiate, discoveries made in unfamiliar places lay ahead of me that would grow me into becoming a woman, from unripened youth into ripening maturity, if I were willing and did not draw back. It would take years of overcoming my hidden deep seated fears, but I didn’t know they were there yet.
I felt bittersweet about leaving as the tears rolled down my cheeks and I turned my head away towards the window to avoid being noticed by my fellow travelers. I tried to smile bravely at myself as I caught my reflection in the window but it faded as I cried for my mom, and myself, and felt a touch of fear and doubting in whether I had made the right decision.
It felt like I was in between, a place I would come to find myself a lot in, in the years to come, I just didn’t know this yet either, there was so much that I didn’t know and in my naivete, I simply wasn’t aware that I didn’t know. I was to learn how to name things I had no words to describe. I was going to learn a new kind of language in a most unique way…
All I knew in this moment was that I could not go back, there was nothing for me to go back to any longer, and the words of my dad found their golden opportunity to rise in my memory from years past waiting for the perfect moment to remind me, that once we children left home, we couldn’t come back again.
It was sink or swim…all I could do was brace myself for what was awaiting me once this plane landed, feelings of worry and what if’s played with my emotions such as, would I still like Lonnie as much in person as we got to know one another through our letter and writing and phone calls? Would it be different when we lived together and so on…fear was my companion on the inside.
Stepping off the plane, I couldn’t see his familiar face in the crowd waiting for our plane’s arrival, but I was greeted by the most sweet smell of flowers and this gave me a brief moment of comfort that Hawaii may not be so scary…thoughts were running through my mind of being abandoned in a completely unfamiliar place and not knowing one single soul besides Lonnie, and this is when I saw him walking towards me in his casual gait. He was on ‘island’ time and I was to learn that no one is usually on time in the islands. I had yet to be purged of L.A. culture, time and habits.
I was a big city girl arriving for her first taste of living life on a tropical island, another world far away from the lifestyle I had grown accustomed to…this would be a process, it would require time to become more patient as I adjusted into my new lifestyle.
At first, Lonnie and I lived with his friends Bruce, Sue and Forrest in Haliewa, when eventually the opportunity came through from a woman he worked with at Waimea Falls Park as it was called at the time, to rent a house that she and her husband had bought intending to give it to their daughter. Their daughter had chosen to live in Japan instead and since I reminded them of their daughter and she liked Lonnie, they rented this house to us for a song.
The house was located in Mokuleia, way past the cane fields and a drive out from town. Remotely located is an appropriate description. With only one street light, a short row of homes that lined Farrington Highway on one side, and a small cluster of houses in a cul-de-sac that would be my only sense of community. Other than that, we had the view of mountains and cane fields across the road from the front yard surrounded by a tall hedge and two coconut trees and a banyan tree taking up residence, while we were only a half block away from the private beach reserved for residents’ use only.
Even though we weren’t right on the beach, we were so close to it we could hear when tides changed and the waves came rolling back in, their cool, salty breezes mixed with the scent of our neighbor’s plumeria tree blowing through the jalousied windows of our simple tongue and groove panel walled house. The back of our house faced towards the ocean a half block away…I remember those days with deep gratitude and appreciation.
My life was already changing dramatically, and I can see from where I am now in looking over my life, that GOD has always had a plan for my life, and He has been infinitely patient with this woman, because it was going to take me a very long time to really get this trusting GOD thing down. I had a long way to grow into a much deeper understanding of Him by learning I could really entrust Him with my life as we walked through it together, quite a bit of it without my awareness of His very presence in my life, but He knew that I would someday come home to Him and find out in surprise, He had always been here waiting for me.
Forgive me for going on quite a bit longer today, but I felt it was necessary to give some background that may make more sense in sharing about how faithful GOD really has been in my life, even when I haven’t been and the harvest I have gathered through the walking of my life journey.
I am confident that there is only more to be harvested.
I desire to encourage you who may be reading this right now, if your life is not where it once was with GOD, He knows what He is doing and what it will take to bring you to the place of a deeper faith in Him, by learning step by step, not so much trying to do it with our human ways and efforts, with using our one dimensional tools. We humans have a long history of using our one dimensional tools to break through to the spiritual realms. It simply hasn’t worked.
An abiding faith that becomes solid when we let GOD’s Spirit rest inside of us. It is through our trials and testings that we are able to learn to rest in trusting Him to guide us all the way through our lives. The more we give attention to His guidance and counsel it becomes more obvious that it will not contradict His written Word.
The Holy Spirit is our GPS. GOD’s Personal Spirit Who comes in and lives inside of us who have believed in Yahshua Christ and His message, even us who have backslid or are still there, His lost children of Christ’s.
His grace is enough.
I say this because of knowing this in a very real way, much more now than ever, from going through so many storms in my life to reach this place and back sliding for over sixteen years. I had to go through being emptied out completely of my way first, decreasing in order for the the Holy Spirit to increase in me. It is by His power I am able to walk in GOD’ s Way.
I hope that by sharing my story, it will encourage someone else who might be struggling in their faith right now too. I understand what it’s like to be distant from GOD, to slam the door and run far, far away, so much so, that no one would be able to tell the difference of my being a believer from a non-believer. I have struggled for most of my life until last year in my walk with Yahshua Christ, but that’s just me getting ahead of myself here again.
Thank you for reading my blog ♥, and I hope you will come back and read the rest of this story that is called the Julia Lisa Book of Stories, being written by the Author and Finisher of my faith, Yahshua, or Jesus Christ through His Spirit working in me, the more I yield my way and plans to Him.
May you be blessed with the strength and encouragement that can only come from our Heavenly Father, Who, while being invisible to our earthly eyes, He is always in our midst working on our behalf, for our ultimate good. He is faithfully working in those who have been called by Him, and we are promised that He will continue to bring us into the maturity of Christ Jesus.
GOD, our Heavenly Father, is faithful and will lead us into His Truth by His Spirit living in us. But once we have invited Him in and once He enters in, we must give Him the Best Seat in our Inner Temple. He deserves nothing less. Sometimes, it takes us a long time to give up our seat and let Him be our most honored guest at the head of our table.
Not my will, but Your Will be done Father.
Many Blessings and Be well.
Grow along with me in the grace and knowledge (relationship) of Him Who loves us, in such a way that leads us into a deeper understanding that we can indeed trust in GOD, no matter what is happening in our outer circumstances.
May you meditate on what it means that GOD is faithful no matter what, pondering what this means to you right here in this place where you are right now.
In the Loving Spirit and Grace of Christ,
I wish you Peace ~
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