You Nique By Design

 

‘You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.’

~ Author Unknown

 

‘Love yourself, for if you don’t, how can you expect anybody else to love you?’

~ Author Unknown

 

‘To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.’

~ Oscar Wilde

 

‘It’s ironic how I can hate myself so much, but have high self esteem.’

~ SMJ

 

What feelings are rising as you read these thoughts above? Are you feeling as I once did repelled, uncomfortable, angry, are they drawing your attention, as in feeling a vibe of hmm, this keeps showing up…is there something about this idea that is ringing a bell deep inside? Or… What!?! Just what the heck is that suppose to mean!?! That sounds like the opposite of Love to me!

 

What does loving myself have to do with finding the love of my life!?

 

When these ideas finally began sinking into me, (as in they kept showing up repeatedly in my life), I came to realize, that a message had been being sent repeatedly to me for quite awhile. As a response to my desired question to know how to experience what a Love of a lifetime that lasted, could be like, feel like and look like to me. It took me awhile to digest this, as it wasn’t the way I thought it was going to look like or be like. I kept looking for the answer outside of myself in relationships with another, even though I would have said I wasn’t looking for someone to fill the position.

 

If this were really true, then I would not have had any emotional response to another’s behavior towards me that could ‘make me feel’ unloved or unworthy of love. I would have remained unaffected by another’s behavior. If I were solidly grounded in my foundation of Being Love and loved.

 

I had a wonderful conversation with my younger daughter, Sara, a couple of weeks ago. My quiet daughter, who for years has been seemingly closed to investigating a Spiritual path. I see now, that she has been ‘listening’ all along. She was on her way home late from work and listening to a talk show that got her attention on the subject relating to the difference between Self Love and Self esteem, and our conversation is what InSpired me to write this blog…

 

The difference in having Self esteem and Self Love is more noticeable in our lives, especially after having had a great number of accomplishments under our belts. We notice when we are left with this feeling, like we are missing something in our life. There is still a deeper dissatisfaction being sensed within us.

 

I missed this for many years. I had plenty of self esteem, being able to observe the ways I created wealth in my life. I had loving friends, money, good health and a good life. An open door life, yet I kept feeling an empty discontentment within my life. So, I went around in circles. Feeling guilty for feeling so unappreciative of my blessings. I can recall thinking, what reason do I have for not being grateful? What is wrong with me? Am I doomed to not ever be happy? I so wanted to be happy!

 

Through all the unfolding events that I have shared here throughout my blog, I was uncovering the missing piece.

 

Self Love.

 

I’m not saying that I never felt this love, I just didn’t feel it all the time. And I kept seeing things that were showing up in my life saying that this is where it all rested upon. So, I tried to create it by going after it. And I have found that it is not something we can go after. It is something we have to experience by allowing it into our awareness.

 

By Being still long enough to get in touch with the Creator Source of IT, through all the experiencing of what doesn’t give us that sense of peace within ourself. That everything is in its place feeling of contentment.

 

The seed is within us. We just keep blocking it by looking for it in our outside world in another person, in our careers, in our roles as child, parent, friend and lover. In needing someone, or something to bounce off of, to make us feel ourselves, being ourselves. I have found that it’s about having the right environment within to let this dormant seed grow into something wonderful.

 

Once we make this direct connection with The Source of IT, it is now unblocked, freed up, to flow into all areas of our life. We begin to live from Spirit Energy which is the Highest Vibration of Love Energy, also known as God Love. And this affects every area of our life. Life begins to generate from within us as God’s Spirit moves in and animates through us, as our Life Giving Energy.

 

It’s a feeling, like watching water flow into a dry and parched land and seeing the life rising up from the ground once seemingly lifeless.

 

I have been on the most amazing journey of my life, and for the longest time I did not see it this way at all. I once was drowning in my anguish and despair. Pain and suffering were my constant bedfellows, and I feared losing them, because it would leave such an empty space in my life. Like losing a favorite toy or companion. Who would I be without them to define me?

 

I had grown so accustomed to them being with me, fitting me like a glove. We can become very use to our pain, and comfortable in their restrictive hold on us, to the point of not even being aware of them being present.Like this is the normal way to live, and so we overlook this feeling of the… ‘there is something missing here’  vibe. We tend to look right past ourself…we’ve become asleep and numb to our being not at ease.

 

We play an I love me, I love me not game with ourselves.

 

Like pulling petals from a bloom to decide our ‘fate’. While we say it is just a child’s game, underneath there is a subtle yet hidden thought that believes it is so, …especially when it says, I love me not or he/she loves me not.  Surely you have felt this vibe pass through you?

 

All the while we are desiring to have the bloom whose petals remain preserved, whose fragrance lingers consistently saying, I love you, and really sensing it is so. It is this feeling creating the unrest. I call it the ‘Old Wise One’ within, calling us to come home for our healing. The unrest does not cease until we answer that call, or we ignore it to the point where we no longer can hear it. It’s still here, waiting for us to open our heart’s door and let IT in…

 

This kind of Love shines Its beauty through us, to feel ITs life breathing in us, when we are silent long enough to allow ourselves to feel ITs Light shining into us, moving up from within, and living through us. We begin to become more aware of where this Love is coming from. It enters in to live from inside of us, when we open our Hearts door to God’s Love.

 

Where the Light switch ‘On’ button was placed… just waiting for us to notice where It is. Open the door, and welcome Love to come on in.

 

What I have discovered is that this once dark and emptied space has been filled with the most amazing Energy. It is Light filled and Joyful. Peaceful, Warm and Loving.

 

I realize, that while it is possible to have self esteem, it is nothing without Self Love. I also understand that we cannot experience authentic Self Love without our self esteem being affected.

 

We see it all the time, self esteem without self love. Those of us, who are very successful in the world’s idea of success yet, have a track record of discord in our closest relationships. Forever changing partners, businesses, cars, houses and clothes, always remaking ourselves, due to a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction. Saying we just like newness and adventure, yet this seems to ring hollow as the words fall to the ground as barren seeds…we are always looking for the next replacement by being this way.

 

We can choose to be happy in life. God’s Will is that we be happy in life.

 

It comes from having new eyes, and being able to see life through the eyes of God’s Love.  Self Love changes our lives and circumstances around, because this Love is what generates our power from the inside out and not from the outside in.

 

Why begin with Self Love? Well, if we do not love ourself, then how can we expect anyone else to love us? We are asking someone to take our place, or give to us what we are not willing to receive into ourself. And when another doesn’t do it the way we want, or give it  to us in the way we were expecting, then we find ourself rejecting them, and feeling rejected by them in return. We spiral away from one another.

 

The push pull of Love. I want to Love, I am afraid of Love.

 

How well do we receive a compliment? Do we find ourself pulling away from someone who tells us how beautiful we are or how nice our workmanship is? Distrusting another’s intentions in a ‘what do they want from me’ kind of way?

 

Do we pull away when someone says those three words…I love you?

 

Whoa !! Stop right there!! Don’t say that to me! Run for your life!! And then, we run to the same dead end and fall down in a heap of tears while crying, nobody loves me?

 

Hmm…

 

If anyone reading this has ever been known to be a person who cannot commit in a relationship, then I ask you to invite Divine Wisdom and Discernment inside, to reveal where in you, not from another, where this block to Love comes from inside of you. The fear of commiting to yourself through a foundation of Self Love. Where have you experienced pain and suffering when your idea of what Love is wasn’t met?

 

Experiences such as this, serve the purpose of growing our limited ideas of what Love really is and means, stretching us wider, deeper, higher and greater in capacity. While Love is learned, it cannot be taught to another. It is something we must each find within ourselves as we grow through our life experiences.

 

Love doesn’t project itself onto others. It leaves Its impression upon others though. Like a lingering memory of a face that defines Love for you. This can be learned through a wonderful memory, or a not so wonderful one.

 

Either way, it stretches us. Love doesn’t make us immediately happy when we are starting out, in our beginning experience of it. It’s purpose is to make us grow greater in our perspective In Love. The happy part, is optional, some place along the way, we begin to realize more, that Love is up to us in how we choose to experience it, as we change in our ways, our ideas of what Love really is and means.

 

A lingering fragrance of a deeply inhaled bloom forever remembered, long after the bloom has faded into the background. It remains intact within our memory.

 

Are we playing a game of I love me, I love me not with ourself?

 

We can begin to set ourself free by taking a loving non-condemning look inside of us, and by asking for Divine Insight of The Holy Spirit, to show us how we may be doing this unknowingly. Asking to be set free from what blocks our view of Love, so we can rightfully choose to be aware of the Love that has always been present here for us. We grow in our ability to leave a loving impression upon all the ones we meet from this moment on.

 

Love without condemnation is Universally known as Unconditional Love.

 

The more we receive this Love in, the more we are able to accept ourselves. We become okay with being you-niquely our self, our Trust grows that we are as we were created to be. And the deeper we understand this about ourself, the more we can extend this Love to others. Whether others agree with us or not. It won’t matter because, when we are okay with being genuinely who we are,  we will be less likely to be consumed with self defeating thoughts even when others do not agree with us. Not in arrogance, narcissism or being self serving, but in having a self esteem that comes from being self loving as we receive God’s gift of Love, we grow in greater understanding of our self more and this naturally extends to others.

 

‘Know God, and all will be known.’

 

Moving from our basic human selfishness of ‘I need you to make me able to experience and feel loved’, to Selflessness of ‘I have enough Love to share with all others because The Divine Source of UnLimited Love, is living and loving through me.’  An endless Source of supply.

 

Accepting ourself is about being a best friend to ourself first positionally with our Source of Love. Our first relationship is established. It is the foundation that God established in Divine Order, also known as one’s rightful boundaries, one’s rightful inheritance.  We learn how to be a greater friend to others when we begin by treating ourself with loving compassion, and self respect first as a gift being returned to our Creator. For then, we are drawing from our roots, our inner resources given by The Holy Spirit, and we are thriving from the nourishment we feed into our soil. Our very nature becomes more self loving, and this in turn is what we give out…How do we speak to ourself when we make mistakes? Are we self critical and call ourself names? Like, stupid! Dummy! Oh my god! I can’t believe I just did that~again? In this way of disrespecting ourselves, we are in essence saying that The Source creates things, not souls worth relating with.

 

And what about people who say things like this to me, Julia? Pause and consider this the next time this might happen to you while with another person, ‘our words say more about us, than the person we are saying something to.’  Out of our mouth comes the issues of what’s in our hearts.

 

Is it Selfless Loving as in trusting God Love supplies us with an over abundance, or selfish Loving, selfish in motive and pretense, I give it to get it kind of love? See any differences?

 

No one can ever really take God’s Love away from us when we know where the Source of our Love is to be found and experienced. We each find our you-nique experience of Love from within. It’s personal. It’s where our unseen treasure house is kept. Our personal Love account and where it says, that God looks at us from.

 

The Heart, and not by outer appearances.

 

The Source of Love is standing right here along with us, patiently waiting for us to let IT in today. I InCourage you to watch and see for yourself, whether your self esteem rockets, leaving in its wake, blazed trails of Love’s Light, when you give an inch to letting God’s Love in. It will follow along with us wherever we may go in this life. As we grow in learning how to be loving with ourself first. It becomes our very nature to be loving with others. Love, when we receive it into us, is very difficult to keep to ourself. We just have to share it.

 

No more, I love me, I love me not.

 

Open to The Source of Love, and you will see Love showing up everywhere you go, because you are now seeing through the eyes of Love moving through your being … while Love’s impression is left, in every footstep you make… God’s Love being our foundation…

 

I AM Love Being Present through this body touching others through sharing this Love.

 

Many Blessings, Be Well,

 

Growing into your journey of discovering the Love you have always been searching for.

 

It’s so much closer than you may have been aware of up to now, because, IT is standing right next to your Heart, waiting for you to say, Yes to IT. Love waits to be invited in, IT does not project ITSelf upon another.

 

InJoy this day,

 

Becoming the gift of Love you are intended to become, unfolding through your self awareness,  in the unwrapping process of sharing the Love gifts and talents of your life with others, you have so much to give ~

 

Sharing this Gift In Love, while the interest of my inheritance grows through the investment of my talents ~

 

Many Blessings In the Spirit of God’s Love ~

 

Julia

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