I Love Me, I Love Me Not ~ Self Esteem Is Nothing Without Self Love

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‘You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.’

~ Author Unknown


‘Love yourself, for if you don’t, how can you expect anybody else to love you?’

~ Author Unknown


‘To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.’

~ Oscar Wilde


‘It’s ironic how I can hate myself so much, but have high self esteem.’



What feelings are rising as you read these thoughts above? Are you feeling as I once did repelled, uncomfortable, angry, are they drawing your attention, as in feeling a vibe of hmm, this keeps showing up…is there something about this idea that is ringing a bell deep inside? Or… What!?! Just what the heck is that suppose to mean!?! That sounds like the opposite of Love to me!


What does loving myself have to do with finding the love of my life!?


When these ideas finally began sinking into me, (as in they kept showing up repeatedly in my life), I?came to realize, that a message had been being?sent repeatedly to me for quite awhile. As?a response to my desired question to know how to experience what a Love of a lifetime that lasted, could be like, feel like and look like to me. It took me awhile to digest this, as it wasn’t the way I thought it was going to look like or be like. I kept looking for the answer outside of myself in relationships with another, even though I would have said I wasn’t looking for someone to fill the position.


If this were really true, then I would not have had any emotional response to another’s behavior towards me that could ‘make me feel’ unloved or unworthy of love. I would?have remained?unaffected by another’s behavior. If I were solidly grounded in my foundation of Being Love and loved.


I had a wonderful conversation with my younger daughter, Sara,?a couple of weeks ago. My quiet daughter, who for years has been seemingly closed to investigating a Spiritual path. I see now, that she has been ‘listening’ all along. She was on her way home late from work and listening to a talk show that got her attention on the subject relating to the difference between Self Love and Self esteem, and?our conversation is what InSpired me to write this blog…


The difference in having Self esteem and Self Love?is?more noticeable in our lives, especially?after having?had a great number of accomplishments under our belts. We notice?when?we are left with this feeling, like?we are missing something in our life. There is still a deeper dissatisfaction being sensed within us.


I missed this for many years. I had plenty of self esteem, being able to observe the ways I created wealth in my life. I had loving friends, money, good health and a good life. An open door life, yet I kept feeling an empty discontentment within my life. So, I went around in circles. Feeling guilty?for feeling so unappreciative of my blessings. I can?recall thinking, what reason do I have?for not being grateful? What is wrong with me? Am I doomed to not ever be happy? I so wanted to be happy!


Through all the unfolding events that I have shared here throughout my blog, I was uncovering the missing piece.


Self Love.


I’m not saying that I never felt this love, I just didn’t feel it all the time. And I kept seeing things that were showing up in my?life saying that this is where it all rested upon. So, I tried to create it by going after it. And I have found that it is not something?we can go after. It is something?we have to experience by allowing it into our awareness.


By Being still long enough to get in touch with the Creator Source of IT, through all the experiencing of?what doesn’t give us that sense of peace within ourself. That everything is in its place feeling of contentment.


The seed is within?us. We just keep blocking it by looking for it in our outside world in another person, in our careers, in our roles as child, parent, friend and lover. In needing someone, or something to bounce off of, to make us feel ourselves, being ourselves. I have found that it’s about having the right environment within to let this dormant seed grow into something wonderful.


Once we make this direct connection with The Source of IT, it is now unblocked, freed up,?to flow into all areas of our life. We begin to live from Spirit Energy which is the Highest Vibration of?Love Energy, also known as God Love. And this affects every area of our life. Life begins to generate from within us as God’s Spirit moves in and animates through us, as our Life Giving Energy.


It’s a?feeling, like watching water flow into a dry and parched land and seeing the life rising up from the ground once seemingly lifeless.


I have been on the most amazing journey of my life, and for the longest time I did not see it this way at all. I once was drowning in my anguish and despair. Pain and suffering were my constant bedfellows, and I feared losing them,?because it would leave such an empty space in my life. Like losing a favorite toy or companion. Who would I be without them to define me?


I had grown so accustomed to them being with me, fitting me like a glove. We can become very use to our pain, and comfortable in their restrictive hold on us, to the point of not even being aware of?them being?present.Like this is?the normal way to live, and so we overlook this feeling of the… ‘there is something missing here’? vibe. We tend to look right past ourself…we’ve become asleep and numb to our being not at ease.


We play an I love me, I love me not game with ourselves.


Like pulling petals from a bloom to decide our ‘fate’. While we say it is just a child’s game, underneath there is a subtle yet hidden thought that believes it is so, …especially when it says, I love me not or he/she loves me not.? Surely you have felt this vibe pass through you?


All the while we are desiring to have the bloom whose petals remain preserved, whose fragrance lingers consistently saying, I love you, and really?sensing it is so. It is this feeling creating the unrest. I call it the ‘Old Wise One’ within, calling us to come home for our healing. The unrest does not cease until we answer that call, or we ignore it to the point where we no longer can hear it. It’s still here, waiting for us to open our heart’s door and let IT in…


This kind of Love?shines Its beauty?through us, to?feel ITs life breathing?in us,?when we are silent long enough to allow ourselves to?feel ITs?Light shining into us,?moving?up from within, and?living through?us.?We begin to become more aware of?where this Love is coming from. It?enters in to?live from?inside of us, when we open our Hearts door to God’s Love.


Where the Light switch ‘On’ button was placed… just waiting for us to notice where It is. Open the door, and?welcome?Love to come on?in.


What I have discovered is that this once dark and emptied space has been filled with the most amazing Energy. It is Light filled and Joyful. Peaceful, Warm?and Loving.


I realize, that while it is possible to have self esteem, it is nothing without Self Love. I also?understand that?we cannot?experience authentic Self Love without our self esteem being affected.


We see it all the time, self esteem without self love. Those of us, who are very successful in the world’s idea of success yet,?have a track record of discord in?our closest relationships. Forever changing partners, businesses, cars, houses and clothes, always remaking ourselves, due to a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction.?Saying?we just like newness and adventure, yet this seems to ring hollow as the words fall to the ground as barren seeds…we are always looking for the next replacement?by being this way.


We can choose to be happy in life. God’s Will is that we be happy in life.


It comes from having new eyes, and?being able to see?life through the eyes of God’s Love. ?Self Love changes our lives and circumstances around, because this Love is what generates our power from the inside out and not from the outside in.


Why begin with Self Love? Well, if?we do not love ourself, then how can?we expect anyone else to love us??We are asking someone to take our place, or give?to us what?we are not willing to?receive into ourself. And when?another doesn’t do it?the way we want, or give it? to us in the way?we were expecting, then?we find ourself rejecting them, and feeling rejected by them?in return. We spiral away from one another.


The push pull of Love. I want to Love, I am afraid of?Love.


How well do?we receive a compliment? Do?we find ourself pulling away from someone who tells?us how beautiful?we are or how nice our workmanship is? Distrusting?another’s intentions in a ‘what do they want from me’ kind of way?


Do we pull away when someone says those three words…I love you?


Whoa !! Stop right there!! Don’t say that to me! Run for your life!! And then,?we run to the same dead end and fall down in a heap of tears while crying, nobody loves me?




If anyone reading this has ever been known to be?a person?who cannot commit in a relationship, then I ask you to invite Divine Wisdom and Discernment inside,?to reveal where in you, not from another, where this block to Love?comes from inside of you. The fear of commiting to yourself?through a foundation of Self Love. Where have you experienced pain and suffering when your idea of what Love is wasn’t met?


Experiences such as this, serve the purpose of growing our limited ideas of what Love really is and means,?stretching us?wider, deeper, higher and greater in capacity. While Love is learned,?it cannot be taught to another. It is something we must each find within ourselves as we grow through our life experiences.


Love doesn’t project itself onto others. It leaves Its impression upon others though. Like a lingering memory of a face that defines Love for you. This can be learned through a wonderful memory, or a not so wonderful one.


Either way, it stretches us. Love doesn’t make us immediately happy when we are starting out, in our beginning?experience?of it. It’s purpose is to?make us grow greater in our perspective In Love. The happy part, is optional, some place along the way,?we begin to realize more,?that Love is up to us?in how we choose to?experience it, as we change in our ways, our ideas of what Love really is and means.


A lingering fragrance of a deeply inhaled bloom forever remembered, long after the bloom has faded into the background. It remains intact within our memory.


Are?we playing a game of I love me, I love me not with ourself?


We can begin to set ourself free by taking a loving non-condemning look inside of?us, and by asking for Divine Insight of The Holy Spirit, to show?us how?we may be doing this unknowingly.?Asking to be set free from what blocks our view of Love, so?we can rightfully?choose to be aware of?the Love that has always been present here for us.?We?grow in our ability to?leave?a loving impression upon all the ones?we meet from this moment on.


Love without condemnation is Universally known as Unconditional Love.


The more we receive this Love in, the more we are able to accept ourselves.?We become okay with being you-niquely our self, our Trust grows that we are?as we were created to be. And the deeper we understand this about ourself, the more we can extend this Love to others. Whether others agree with us or not. It won’t matter because, when we are okay with being genuinely who we are,? we will be less likely to be consumed with self defeating thoughts even when others do not agree with us. Not in arrogance, narcissism or being self serving, but in having a self esteem that comes from being self loving as we receive God’s?gift of Love, we grow in greater understanding?of?our self more and this naturally extends to others.


‘Know God, and all will be known.’


Moving from?our basic human?selfishness of ‘I need you to make me able to experience and feel loved’, to Selflessness of ‘I have enough Love to share with all others because The?Divine Source of UnLimited Love, is living and loving through me.’? An endless Source of supply.


Accepting ourself is about being a best friend to ourself first?positionally with our Source of Love. Our first relationship is established. It is the foundation that God established in Divine Order, also known as one’s rightful boundaries, one’s rightful inheritance.? We learn how to be a greater friend to others when we begin by treating ourself with loving compassion, and self respect first as a gift being returned to our Creator. For then, we are drawing from our roots, our inner resources given by The Holy Spirit,?and we are?thriving from the nourishment we feed into our soil. Our very nature becomes more self loving, and this in turn is what we give out…How do we speak to ourself when we make mistakes? Are we self critical and call ourself names? Like, stupid! Dummy! Oh my god! I can’t believe I just did that~again? In this way of disrespecting ourselves, we are in essence saying that The Source creates things, not souls worth relating with.


And what about people who say things like this to me, Julia? Pause and consider this the next time this?might happen to you while?with another person, ‘our words say more about us, than the person we are saying something to.’? Out of our mouth comes the issues of what’s in our hearts.


Is it Selfless Loving as in trusting God Love?supplies us with an over abundance,?or?selfish Loving,?selfish in motive and pretense, I give it to get it kind of love? See any differences?


No one?can ever really take?God’s Love?away from?us when we know where the Source of our Love is to be found and experienced. We each find our you-nique experience of Love from within. It’s personal. It’s where our unseen treasure house is kept. Our personal Love account and where it says, that God looks at us from.


The Heart, and not by outer appearances.


The Source of Love is standing right here along with us, patiently?waiting for?us to let IT in?today.?I InCourage you to watch and see for yourself,?whether your?self esteem rockets, leaving in its wake, blazed trails of Love’s Light, when you give an inch to letting God’s Love in. It will follow along with us?wherever?we may go in this life.?As we grow in learning how to be loving with?ourself first. It becomes our very nature to be loving with others. Love, when we receive it into?us, is very difficult to keep to ourself. We just have to share it.


No more, I love me, I love me not.


Open to The Source of Love, and you will see Love showing up everywhere you go, because you are now seeing through the eyes of Love moving through your being … while Love’s impression is left, in every footstep you make… God’s Love?being our foundation…


I AM Love Being Present through this body touching others through sharing this Love.


Many Blessings, Be Well,


Growing into your journey of discovering the Love you have always been searching for.


It’s so much closer than you may have been aware of up to now, because, IT is standing right next to your Heart, waiting for you to say,?Yes to IT. Love waits to be invited in, IT does not project ITSelf upon another.


InJoy this day,


Becoming the gift of Love you are intended to become, unfolding?through your self awareness,??in the unwrapping?process of sharing the Love gifts and talents?of your life?with others, you have so much to give ~


Sharing?this Gift In Love, while?the?interest of my inheritance grows?through?the investment of?my talents?~


Many Blessings In the Spirit of God’s Love ~



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This entry was posted on 201948H Jul 2009 and is filed under I Love Me Not ~ Self Esteem Is Nothing Without Self Lov. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “I Love Me, I Love Me Not ~ Self Esteem Is Nothing Without Self Love”

  1. Livia Says:

    Wonderful insight, Dear Julia, and posted in synchronicity with the apparent “need” of your close friends for realizing and feeling more Self Love.

    I have enjoyed every word you wrote, and the energy of your thoughts is uplifting and empowering.

    Thank you for being such a Divine Light amongst us, shinning your beauty, tenderness, compassion!

    You are Beautiful in every way! Love and Blessings,


  2. Talker Says:

    Each one of us is Life personalized. We are each one of us, Life as a person., so now, each one of us contains within ourselves all the intelligence, the power, the faculties and the tools for the expression of Life. Every soul has access to these tools, but a decision to so choose must be faced. The choice is ours to make.
    Poor choices, is where the problem commences.
    In ones younger days, poor choices can be every day occurrences. Once past a certain age though, the whole picture changes. The monkey load on ones back keeps building up filters, that couples with those earlier experiences, that may contribute to unwise choices.
    Verbal themes of childhood can wreak havoc if not recognized for what they were, once we start making adult choices. How one dressed, spoke, and / or was rejected or accepted, make for highly influencing life filters and loss of self-esteem. Of course self-love turns to things like hate, frustration and other not so good, goodies under those condition. In another vein though, self-esteem can become lead to ?I?m better than you? attitudes. There needs to be a common sense, balanced middle path here, or a high self-esteem, well blended with self-love and love of others, other wise it becomes a rocky road.
    Love thy neighbors, as thy self, as mentioned by Jesus, becomes a problem if one has no self-love. Having no self-love, places one at the mercy of another, that may be suffering from the same malady you are experiencing due to a lack of self-love or self-esteem. If you can saw a board in half, or pound in nail without bending it, rejoice. Love yourself for it. The same applies to all activities in life. So you ruin a few boards, or bend a few nails, thats all part of lifes learning curve, and the fumble will also pass, if you let it.
    Just learn to laugh and smile about it.

    The inner worth and joy will reflect outwards, leading to shared loving relations.

  3. Talker Says:

    How neatly these newly found words apply.
    Be Well


    “Is not this the true romantic feeling – not to desire to escape life, but to prevent life from escaping you.”
    -Thomas Wolfem

    We can live life “in love” all the time. When we love our life, and ourselves, we are filled to the brim with joy and peace. We overflow with wonder that spills out to the world and makes it a better place to be.
    -Lissa Coffey

  4. Julia Says:

    Ah Beloved Talker and Livia,

    Such beautiful souls that speak Love and Wisdom.

    I deeply appreciate you both for your InPowerment.

    InJoying Loving you both,


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